Bass Player Colony Collapse Threatens Irish Music Scene

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Over the past three weeks, a noticeable shortage of Irish bass players has emerged. Several bands have taken to Facebook, their websites and twitter feeds to literally beg for replacement players. Atominated, Stone Trigger and even our new favourites – Stereo Nasty are all in dire need for the 4-6 stringers, but bass players are keeping quiet and out of sight leading many to believe we are now experiencing a catastrophic bassist colony collapse in Ireland.

IMG_8856Taking to Tickets There, Rory – a self-confessed bass player from Clondalkin, admitted that the musicians have finally had enough of the reckless mocking they’ve had to endure ever since they put down those €100 beginner fender guitars and moved on to the “far more complicated” fender copy bass. Mocking remarks, such as “you’ll never get laid playing bass”, “bass players are just bad guitarists” and “I’m sleeping with your lead guitarist… and singer” have taken their toll according to Rory.

We’ve simply had enough”, he adds. “Bass players provide the backbone to everything. Without us, where would the band be? ..and Justice For All – that’s where and look how shit that was”.

Mass hibernation, 24 hour long funky bedroom solo-performances and a sharp drop in bass sales is expected to widely impact live performances, album recordings and the record industry on a whole according to Rory, but singers, guitarists and even drummers are in disagreement.

IMG_8857We hadn’t actually realized our bass player was missing”, admits Tommy from Stone Trigger. “We hit the studio and recorded all the solos, lyrics, drum beats and thought we were good to go. It was only when our producer mentioned bass that we copped on he’d left. We contacted the guy who used to play for us and it turned out he’d left six months beforehand. Fortunately the crowd never seemed to notice”.

Bass players from around the country are expected to make a final stand by marching down the Liffey to the O2 this Saturday. Over a dozen marchers and spectators are expected to attend with Gardi already scaling up a riot control / counter terrorism squad in case marchers get out of hand. “Mostly it’ll be a peaceful protest, but there could be an element that’ll get out of hand and maybe lurk and leer too much” adds Rory.

There are no traffic restrictions expected to be put in place for Saturday’s march.

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